Jeeb's Place

Dear Diary {6/15/2026}:

Self harm is something I have always struggled with. Even if I wasn't actually hurting myself, the ideation always stuck. It's difficult to break out of a habit after having that habit in your life for as long as you can remember. But today, when I picked up my blade, fully expecting to hurt myself again, I told myself no. For the first time since I've started self harming, I was able to stop myself mid process and for a lot of people, I feel, it's just as difficult. It's why alcoholics go to rehab and suicide risks go to institutions. There are plenty of real life outlets for people to get help with their addictions. But I never had that option. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how deep into these tendencies you are, it's important to stop while you can. Not everyone has the luxury of receiving help and it's why a lot of people with these types of psychological issues inevitably die. It's why I have almost died. But for the first time today, I chose myself over my habits. And for that I'm thankful.

Dear Diary {6/14/2026}:

Hey diary! I know I havent written in awhile. I apologize for my well overdo checkup. But if I'm being honest, things have been pretty draining for me recently. I dont really recall most of whats happened these past few months, in which order they've happened, the way that they've happened, how they unfolded, or even if they were actually lived. But in between those moments I have had a huge amount of shitty days. Days that made me want to resort to hurting myself. Ones that left me thinking about them weeks after, to the point of depriving myself of sleep because of what I'm afraid of. Even days in which I'd rather not be alive. If I'm being honest, I'm notorious for taking shitty days to heart. But the fact of the matter is, things will get better. They may seem grim 90% of the time; like I cant pull myself back up. And I may struggle with picking back up old, awful habits. I may struggle with my self esteem, my psyche, my own image, and the thought of how people perceive me. I may struggle to see how I could ever possibly be loved. Sometimes I might even have to do things for myself I never wanted to do in order to stay alive. But what I've learned today is, not every day is a bad day. And even if something bad happens in a day, that does not automatically rule it as a bad day. You can have horrible thoughts after a fun day out, but at the end of the day: The day was still good. Not every day is a bad day, diary. And I think I can live comfortably with this thought now.

Dear Diary {2/20/26}:

Hey diary! This is my first ever entry!! I'm really excited for this new beginning of me inside the indie web. I made this neocities in hopes that I would learn more html and so far that's been a better experience than when I made my first website, pegasistercity. I find it most hard to remember what I'm supposed to do and then end up just looking it up. Templates defintely help, as I'm using a template for most of the websites that I've made so far, but I've rewritten them in many different ways to the point that I feel confident I could write a website without one. When I have more experience I'll update this neocities in a new way! As for now, look forward to what the future holds for schizogeniic's neocities.